Dear You

Hello, human being.

Kindly read along if you want answers from the blue planet that you were dropped off at, unshielded, unknowning and unfathomably uncertain.
.
.

The world is a confusing place.

Currently, the world’s idea of ‘natural order’ is not exactly compatible with my idea of jumping-in-the-air happiness. And any attempt at pursuing what my heart is poundingly ecstatic about, makes me feel like I’m running a hamster’s wheel.

Turns out that this weird analogy only makes sense to people like you and me who feel like they’re hurtling towards something with all their might but find that the ground beneath them is moving the opposite way. Leaving you making no progress at all, right back to square one again.

I am sorry, but this is not a support group for the lost, the lonely, the not-quite-there-yets.

If a place like that did exist, the troubled wouldn’t be so troubled anymore.

Because doesn’t simply existing seem like quite the task on this planet?

Feelings go binary sometimes- either cheerily content at once, or absolutely lost in sadness the other. Feelings are sometimes a spectrum of continually changing patterns- black and white, with every shade of colour in between appearing and disappearing.

Feelings sometimes also seem like a thing of too little importance to be writing so many words about.

But you would think the world would do something about the whole situation of putting these feelings in our tiny little minds. The amount of faith we put in our efforts, the insistent and passionate attempt at perfection and the constant questioning of the bizarre things that we can’t make sense out of- don’t we always look out for something in return?

However, through the lens of real life, you never see the headlines of a newspaper saying ‘universe conspires to give man everything he wishes for’.

The only possible answer to this mind boggling question of why the world stays so blissfully silent about the blurry mess we human beings often find ourselves in, is this:

You must turn confusion into creation, not chaos.

The fact that we don’t live just to stare into space, watch the fire burn, or feel the water rushing against our feet, is that we were built this way to question, challenge, and seize every idea that exists. And we do this all to make it ours. To turn the world into something we can identify with.

So if the feeling of running a hamster’s wheel hasn’t worn off yet, start working. Work towards what you’re required to do, so that you can proudly look back at yourself thinking, “I am glad I turned it around and got to doing my thing because of which I’m utterly blessed to be living the life I am today”.

Which I promise will be very soon if you try to surmount this Herculean, yet surprisingly rewarding task with me.

Am I shaky on my legs and just trying to be bold with my words? You are a hundered percent right.

But if you’re with me, and doing the thing that will launch you into the stars of success, and leave you with a teethy grin and wide eyes of wonder as you watch yourself enter the galaxies of great and true happiness, I think I can almost see the world smiling down at us.
img_0465

The Wall of Writer’s Block

For anyone who might need this. A bit of writer’s block simply cannot get to you, you wonder of a human being.
Screenshot_2016-04-27-21-28-14.png
The wall spoke,
Of how tall her inhibitions stood,
Of how her sanity it consumed,
Of how all her fears only fumed.
“Stop, you failure! “
“You’ve had zilch successes all through this year.”
“Your words are incomprehensible, incoherent even,”
“Inadequate, incompetent, I can name a list of ten.”
“Don’t you realise that you’re an excuse of a writer?”
“That for a losing cause, you’re a fighter?”
.
The wall roared, yelled even louder,
The demons that surrounded her just couldn’t be prouder,
And bit by bit, the wall grew in enormity,
Shadowing Miss Writer’s mind in total obscurity.
.
But in the next moment of a revolution, one look was all it took,
To understand a reality clear enough, that her whole world shook.
It wasn’t the wall that was at it with the retorts,
But it was her own skeptic voice, that echoed back like darts.
.
Coming to her senses, she grabbed her pen,
And wrote on the wall, strong, emboldening words that did defend.
.
Tearing it down- the wall that held the doubts and fears that weighed a painful ton,
She saw it all crumble down and come undone,
.
And, then, there were none.
.
.

Battles, Doom and Conquering ’em All #Theory 007

I have tried writing something for this digital space I love so much, a thousand times by now but had no idea how to you know, do it, and so *boop* I deleted  it. But here it is, reformed, uncrumpled and just.. here.

Today, let’s talk battles. We’ve all got them. Yours are probably different than mine and you probably handle yours differently than I do. The fearless bunch amongst us, karate chop the heck out of the situation, slaying, with ninja reflexes of thinking, deciding and acting upon it. People from the other more shadowy realm of overthinking, indecisiveness and just more overthinking, often run a fever of ferocious fear in their hearts. But they’re not to blame at all. Some battles are gigantic, in front of which you feel miserable and helplessly small. Some are like a tsunami wave that catches you so off guard that you start questioning all your efforts and their uncertain fruitfulness. Some are as big and scary as being in a void outside of the universe, from where it looks like everything is moving way too fast and you, are just static.

So, yes, battles are scary. I’m a tiny, yet brave (self-proclaimed brave, really) girl, but guess what? Even I think that battles are herculean, and sometimes unending blocks of doom. If this tiny girl right here is calling herself brave whilst writing a post solely dedicated to how intensely terrified she is, then you’ve got to have the bravest mind to be trusting her with where she is going with this haha.

But guess what? Nobody tells you what’s on the cheat sheet. Heck, you probably didn’t even know of the existence of said cheatsheet! Well, I happened to stumble across it a while ago and let me tell you, it’s got just one word scrawled across it that puts everything into perspective in the echo of chaos we’re sometimes so easily lost in.resilienceResilience is all that you need, to not just win, but conquer your battles. To just tell the universe that “I’M GOOD” even when it throws all its tricks, traps, and crazy endurance tests at you, is really the only requirement to get accepted into joining the squad that leads you right into the victor’s side of the battlefield. But most importantly, resilience gives you a passionate reason to gradually fight back, and simply leaves you with a reason to keep doing what you’re so incredibly going at. So, do just that and take the leap. Victory is waiting for you and trust me, it’s not too far away.

My mind has an explosive amount of thoughts but had inexplicably lost the ability to translate itself into comprehensive little magical bundles called words. I know that doesn’t explain my going AWOL at all but I have no idea what to tell you because I can’t quite understand my situation myself either. My mind’s still running unleashed, wild, and very five-year-old-like though, it just needed some time to settle the battles that it sometimes finds itself fighting. Hope you’re doing amazingly and all battles are being conquered, if not blissfully at bay.

 

 

Confetti of Gratefulness

In my online-avatar-ish personality, I might sometimes come off as a soul-searching, monocle wearing, contemplative young woman, sitting in the shadow of a flickering light mid way through an attempt to understand the world in all its entirety at once. But in reality, I laugh very frequently (mostly at my jokes), make jokes out of my problems, write a lot, read a lot or internet a lot when I’m not doing either of the rest. I am also that person who actively uses internet as a verb, and who knows as a strict grammar nazi that it no way qualifies as an action word, which accompanies the conveyance of the tense of the task being done, but that’s just what I’ve become. An internetting, super dramatic, mostly introverted, but occasionally and obsessively talkative person.

I might seem way more serious about things than I actually am. I guess that’s mostly because I tend to over think like crazy, and disregard stuff that’s actually important and on the verge of falling apart with an internal hysterical laugh of the ‘I’m doomed’ kind. Although, in the past one year, I’ve grown a lot as a person and learnt a lot of things that I hold as vital as not forgetting to breathe. Why am I getting all mushy and rambling on about myself you ask? I just turned 17 today! And getting here has been quite the climb since being sixteen wasn’t so sweet after all. However, at the end of these 365 days of a relatively not-so-good-year, I need to tell you, yeah you, some things that you helped me learn even though it might be super unintentional and indirect. Look at you, helping a helpless human being trot her way through life, like a tiny penguin!

1. Things will get hard to deal with inevitably. All you’ve got to do is stay strong and take it on with zero denial. Denial is never the way to go, fighting for your mental standing ovation by the forces of the world is.

2. Being sad is okay if it’s helping you vent out feelings that are doing no good to your insanely awesome mind.

3. Trust your instincts. It’ll always minimise the scope to feel any kind of regret. After all, don’t we all want to live with no regrets?

4. Hang on to the people who matter the most, however busy or distant or only virtually present they may be. Because they might not be around always, but if you’ve got yourself in a tangled mess and call out to them, they’ll have you know, in tears, and singing, “You’ve got a friend in me”.

5. Let this be your motto, along with all other driving forces you’ve got to live to your fullest in this planet of love, hope and some necessary badassity:

output_MyvQe3.gif

Excuse the poorly-done nails and squiggly lines of excitement.

Thanks for reading and always being just around the corner for me. The little tinge of the shade of happiness that’s gone on to the canvas of the sixteenth year of my existense has mostly come from right here. I’ve always tried by best to be fully grateful for the things I have like I did in a post long ago, but you guys definitely, hands-down, top the list. Just my token of celebration with some confetti of gratefulness. And some (or lots) of cake later. Treat yourself with some cake or a healthier alternative if you’re cool like that, because you are pretty awesome.

I’m Scared? #Theory 006

Let me admit it, I’m scared of a lot of things.

I’m scared about my life. I’m scared about how it’s going to turn out to be, if it’s going to turn out the way I expect it to, and where I’ll be in a matter of, say, five years.

I’m scared about happiness. I’m scared that I will never truly find it, and that I’ll constantly keep worrying about finding that happiness and that I’ll lose it the minute I find it.

I’m scared of the darkness. I’m scared that I might stumble and fall and be totally oblivious to any response to my cry-for-helps until someone pulls me back on my feet again.

I’m scared about expression. I’m scared that I might never be able to say what I feel, and talk about the dreams I want to pursue and that I might never be truly be able to open up to the people who matter to me the most.

I’m scared about my writing. I’m scared that I might one day wake up, and that I will lose the explosion of inspiration that I once used to have, and that I will not be able to write nearly as incredibly as I’ve always wanted to and that I might probably not write another word, that would eventually leave me empty, inside out.

I guess that should be it, apart from my soul wrenching fears of aeroplanes, crowds, stages, public speaking, popular attention, my mind voices being heard, my mind voices not being heard, taking the leap, overly risky plans, losing things, losing people, failure, disappointment and the fact that this list still goes on.

Alright, now that you’ve read about what’s just a tiny portion of the endless list of my insecurities, fears and a little bit of my pride being cast away, very safe and soundly, come to terms with the fact that it’s not just you. Everyone’s got these fears that do nothing but weigh them down. These fears, that give you all the doubts and nervous breakdowns. They’re there in every one of us. It’s totally fine to be overcome by them. It’s perfectly acceptable to be skeptical about your abilities because some voiceless fear told you that you can’t do it.

The only thing, and believe me when I say this, the only thing I ask from you, is to never, ever be scared of trying. Do you know why? Not being scared of trying is like wearing the crown of courage.

Because, suddenly, you aren’t scared of trying to live. You aren’t scared of trying to be happy. You aren’t scared of trying to walk through darkness with the elegant aura of confidence lighting up the path. You aren’t scared of trying to express yourself boldly and wholly.

I am not scared of trying my best to write this very word. I fearlessly hover my fingers over each key on this keyboard as I pounce back on all my fears. I fearlessly hope that every word, comma and thought behind this makes a little sense to you. And literally, all I needed and what I realise we’re all fortunately and naturally equipped with is not being scared of trying,  the courage to try. And sometimes, it’s all you need, really. =)

Head this way for a ‘try’ at a series of hope-reinstating (fingers crossed) little teams of words.

Hang On In There

Hang on in there, little restless soul
It’s all going to be alright soon
Take a deep breath
And tune your heartbeat
To match the steady rhythm
Of the familiar pounding of your fears

For if you’re heart’s still racing
Due to something you didn’t get
Or someone you lost
Or some way your spirits dropped
Just slow down a bit
To free your troubled self
From the whirlwind of worries
That’s managed to engulf
Your motives, your goals
Your aspiration, so bold
Your true self along with
The motivation, truly gold
That pushed you farther
Farther than anyone else
Farther than the skies they could reach
Farther than they dared to valiantly dream

Do remember that by true heart
You’re the tree that no tempest
Or no whirlwind could blow off
Standing strong and resolved
The blizzard’s just caught you
In a cloud of uncertainty
Hold on a little while, because
It’s going to rain down soon
And your soul will be dancing
Drenching itself in the downpour of revival
The hope that will now run through every alley
Of your downtrodden strengths
On to flow and fill life into the veins
Of some bravery, tonight

Hang on in there, little restless soul
It’s all going to be alright soon
Take a deep breath
And tune your heartbeat
To match the steady rhythm
Of your happily pirouetting spirit

For if your heart’s still racing
It’ll hopefully soon realise
That fear, merely is a thing
That eventually fights
A losing battle
Against
The valour
That forever rises like a powerful knight

Edited in Lumia Selfie

A totally impromptu/non rhyming poem that was on the top of my mind, plus a totally amateur illustration. Meow. 

Let’s just pretend that I didn’t go AWOL from WordPress because I accidentally happened to go to Neverland and kind of forget to come back. Let’s also pretend that what I just said made sense. Hope you have an awesome day/night/life. 

Pow! (And Other Attempts at Understanding Adulthood)

How is it?
To be made to fit,
Into the size ‘L’ of age brackets?
Merely thinking of which my conscious frets,
Hardly agreeing!
Because, is seeing really believing?
I think, as I stand on the precipice,
Between adulthood and a kiddy bliss.

Beyond the vast territories,
Of fairy tales and stories,
Lies what we’re all entitled to,
That snaps out all my colours, turning me blue.

Being an adult?
It’s like joining a cult,
Or that’s how it seems to me.
One that comes with norms on ‘how to be’,
What to profess,
How and how not to dress.

“Ping! You’re 18 now.”
I go down with a comic-bookish-pow!
With reality turning into a maze,
As I’m expected to suppress my fangirl craze,
Suddenly, there’s more to life,
Than ‘nutella or nutella?’, the eternal strife.
Bills to pay for the binge watching sessions,
And no room for fictional character crush confessions.

But after all, the age old adage goes,
You’re never too old to draw smileys on your toes,
Or however else the old wise men intended it to be,
Behind their round on-the-nose-glasses, I bet they could see,
That adulthood is your movie you’d want others to acclaim,
But a movie without bloopers just isn’t quite the same.

Written in the wake of the sudden realisation that I’m going to turn 18 next year. I might just end up doodling on some super important legal paper thingamajigs. Meh. Although, I tried using appropriate punctuation this time around. Who’s already being awesome at being grown up now? Ha.

339056._SX640_QL80_TTD_ (2).jpg

339056._SX640_QL80_TTD_ (3).jpg

But hey, here’s some reassurance

Image Credits: Check out and support the amazing Sarah Anderson ^_^ http://sarahcandersen.com/