It is a really bad time to be an extrovert right now, as it has been for the past two years. I don’t want to belittle the problems that introverts face, but if introverts are maxed out on socializing, they can just go home and recharge in their own company, their happy place.
When extroverts really want to meet and engage with others when circumstances don’t permit them, they are just being needy!
If it isn’t obvious yet, I am very extroverted. I know that I am not being kind to myself by self-assigning the label of “needy” for wanting more connection. A mixture of growing up, growing apart and the disconnection due to the pandemic has led me to this thought bubble of isolation and loneliness. It’s a thought bubble that comes back to me no matter how much I try to defensively pop or blissfully blow away.
I am someone who thrives on being around others, either in small everyday interactions or in moments of diving deep into emotion. It has been really hard to not have a regular dose of socializing. More importantly, it has been really hard for me to reconnect with who I am at my core. I am usually so caught up in events, experiences and the people in my life, that I haven’t been making time and room to sit still, be kind, and reach out to myself.
Whenever I try to connect with myself, my discouraging thoughts take over and cast a dull shadow. Suddenly it feels like all the disconnection in my life is because of my actions or my intentions. Maybe I am disconnected with my once-close friends because I said something that was way out of line. Maybe I am not making new meaningful friendships because I am not putting enough effort into it. Maybe my expectations of what I would like from a friendship is too much. Maybe I am romanticizing good friendships and relationships that are too far-fetched to turn into reality.
Maybe these thoughts are just passing clouds. Just like the sun comes up everyday, I know there is a light that I am yet to find. That constant and energizing light might be the connection that I have with myself. Identifying what is important to me, having honest and sometimes difficult conversations might be the key to finding that connection.
Maybe that strong and unwavering light will lead the way to wonderful new friendships and connections!
I won’t lose hope 🙂