i want to go

i want to go somewhere into the unknown
with no room for thought to think that i’m trapped, in a box
i want to run, and feel like i’m filled with fresh air
and not breathless, stuck in a loop of unhappy unproductivity
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i want to be on the go, every second that the clock ticks
to give myself purpose, some progress to take pride in
i want to rest and re-energize and not be too hard on myself
to remember that perfectionism is not the goal
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i want to keep running to reach a different world entirely
one where i make every day that i live life-changing, in a way
because with my over-thinking and being overly precautious
i spend my days away thinking of ways to instantly paint the bigger picture
but Euclid says in his fifth Axiom that, the whole is greater than the part
which reminds me to dream big, but start small
turns out, that taking on the whole world at once will be way more catastrophic
than the bite-sized, conquerable steps to success and a happy face
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i want to run away from the mishaps and haunting memories
of the past, forgotten, and miserably abandoned
i want to run to keep up with this fast-paced world
to not let the world push me around
.
and instead, do things i love so that i can
one day, go, and
move the world
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WEDIM, Day 7
Kindly overlook the weird punctuation and non-existent capitalisation.
This poem essentially started off with me guilt-tripping myself about why I slept in until 11 AM and didn’t go out for a walk/run. Who knew other dysfunctionalities
of your head clears your way out of writer’s block?
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Happy Things

Words make me happy.
And on the days that I can’t get my tapping fingers and wandering imagination to cooperate, wandering imagination to cooperate, pictures of happy things make me happy instead.
If that makes sense.
Yeah.
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Okay yeah, let’s go.

WEDIM, Day 6

Super You

This goes out
To the young
Troubled souls
Who are down
And weak

IMG_1625
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Don’t you worry
Because you will grow
Into a super human
Building bravery
Courageous, confidently
With the inevitable mistakes
That make you stronger
As you are learning, everyday
How to be
A super you
.
But as long as
You are here
Embrace it
The stutters
The fumbles
The breakdowns
.
Because you
Are you
As you try
To hold on
To this mighty
Unfathomable
Miraculous
World
Until the pain
And the panic
All fade away

IMG_1623

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WEDIM, Day 5
Thanks to How to Draw and Paint for teaching my five-year-old-drawing-hand how to draw a tiny super you lol 

Oddly-Unhappy

 

I have an unusual response to happiness. Unlike people who are sad, and a disoriented mess. They are allowed to have an upside down smile. While I, have been breaking the rules for a while. Do you see fireworks in the sky, in colours of success and glee? Look around carefully, and you’ll see me. Visibly happy. Yet oddly-unhappy. It’s the strangest thing, I know. I don’t know what happens to my brain’s processing flow. The happy thing goes straight from ‘incoming’ to the department of ‘overwhelming’. Which soon advances to ‘disbelief’ and ‘infinite self-doubting’. Now, I do my best to not sound ungrateful. Because that’s the last emotional stunt I’d like my head to pull. If I could, I would delve into the workings of my brain. To find out why I feel content in the grey, pouring rain. While I only house a limited supply of happiness when I’ve finally bid goodbye to the treacherous pain. 
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Let me explain before your head goes like “whaaaaat did I just read?” “what is wrong?” “you alright?”. I am pretty much just as confused of these words that came out of my head but I think I know what’s going on.
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Every time that something extravagantly incredible or unbelievable happens, anything of the ‘happy’ kind, I have no clue how to deal with it and express my happy thoughts. You will seriously find me absolutely silent, or sitting quietly in a corner, or busying myself in something else after the socially-required few minutes of sharing the happiness with close ones. This usually looks like I’m ‘unhappy’ to other human beings who look at my face and actions. I know this for sure because sometimes, I see it too in that darned magic device of self reflection (a mirror, I meant a mirror). I’m currently transitioning into a new phase of my life that has an infinite scope for learning new things and being curious and exploring all the tangible feelings that this world holds. But this transition isn’t the world of sunshines and blue skies that I thought it would be.
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It’s so weird that whenever something huge happens, I would rather sit in peace and be wonderstruck than go party and express my happiness eloquently without stuttering. Hmm. How did I get here? *hopeless chuckle* I guess I’m just internally savouring the happy turn that my life has taken. I guess.. it could be something entirely different, I don’t know.
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I kind of think that this also happened with me starting WEDIM? I was so excited about it. And proud that I did it for three days straight. But then, TOTAL DISORIENTATION TIME woohoo! I am going to try my best to do the rest of the days. Again, it’s my key to staying sane. Also, I’ve noticed I say the words ‘brain’ and ‘head’ a lot on here. But aren’t you curious as heck about these too? They’re so fascinating but also drive you crazy. Okay. That’s it for now. Hope you’re visibly happy and oddly still crazy happy.
WEDIM, Day 4

l o v e

Love equals smiles
Topped with glee
And an ice cream moustache

Love equals happy eyes
Taking in this mighty world
With courage and wonder

Love equals f
…………………fa
…………………..l
…………………..l
…………………..i
…………………..n
…………………..g
For the unknown
And finding y o u r s e l f

Love equals this poem
Strangely clueless, trying
To describe the indescribable

WEDIM, Day 3

night-time routine, by a team of brain cells

Busy thoughts and tired eyes
“Just get some rest!”, my brain sighs
“Too many things on the To-Do”
“Doubts and fears as deep as the ocean blue”
“Your keeping calm abilities are clearly in jeopardy”
“Things are confusing now, but just let them be!”
“Undress your thoughts”
“Out of the insecurities of all sorts”
“Put on your favourite pyjamas”
“And dream, of the moon and stars”
“Wrap the panic-stricken panic in a warm blanket”
“With an alarm at opportunity o’ clock, all set”

“Tomorrow’s another day”
“And funnily enough, this crazy internal monologue.. shall replay”

WEDIM, Day 2

Hey, Don’t Forget the Little Things

All of us have something in our minds that we passionately dream of..uu

For the ambitious ones, it’s success.
For the adventurous ones, knowing that they seized every opportunity, is a celebration.
For the realistic optimist, it’s taking every mistake as a learning experience to eventually reach success and exhilarating happiness.
For the anxious ones, making something out of all the wishful thinking becomes something to hysterically happy-cry about because they’re so proud of themselves.
For the romantic, it’s finding someone imperfectly perfect. (hey, I know you’re a romantic. Yes, you! Don’t you super secretly want that someone who loves you, just being you? But other than that you’re super chill and not sappy at all. ).

All of us dream.

We dream big, and that is something astounding..

Yet what we forget in the times of hardships and mistakes and setbacks is that, embracing and taking pride in the little things is what counts you down on your ‘let’s reach happiness’ meter. Am I just inserting a clichéd happy-quote-kind-of sentence and topping this little internet bubble off with an exclamation point? Honestly, yes. But do you know what the crazy part is? I just realised how true this is..

Dreaming about the world that you’d love to live in is great.
But you also need to keep yourselves busy en route.

Do every little thing that you can to get even an inch closer. Make new connections, start the conversation, take up smaller learning projects, celebrate your daily victories, be proud of yourself for being super brave! Get yourself thinking “Why am I on this path, and what can I do to shine the brightest?”. Accept the fact that achieving the end goal is not going to be quick. Be grateful for the time that you get to learn and love things on the way. Start small. Simply starting, and your ability to keep keep on keeping on will get you where you want to be soon. I promise.

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I’m attempting WEDIM! That is, Write Everyday in May. More of my crazy thoughts on why and how later. Thanks for reading!

WEDIM, Day 1