Dear Me

You are alive. You are breathing. You are doing so well. You are a growing human with a beautiful brain filled with potential, wonder, and an unwavering wish to be brave. You are such a sentimental person! You love the people and places in your life so much. You love how these people and places make you feel even more. You have learned about your strengths through so many nights of hidden tears. You have learned to differentiate between the things that build you up and the ones that tear you down. Not being able to sing in tune does not stop you from singing your heart out to your favorite songs. Even in days of having a full schedule, you make time for a quick little smile when you catch a glance at yourself in the mirror in the midst of a busy busy day.
Never forget that you have always wanted to live a big life. Not big with fame and fortune. A big life to you is one where you tell the people you love that you love them, explore the world, explore your mind, and create things that make you, you!
Try not to be too hard on yourself, because you are always trying so hard to learn and grow and discover yourself. Whenever you experience sadness, disappointment, or anger, try to make some sense out of these feelings and turn them into lessons rather than bruises. That is a goal worth working towards, even if you feel defeated at times.


you’ve got this!

The Incredibility of Introspection

I try my best to journal on a regular basis. Whenever I feel like I am going crazy, I write. I have always felt that I express myself so much better when I have a backspace key and some moments to think to myself. Speaking out has always been a struggle, but writing helps me build more courage to taking baby steps towards conquering that challenge. Some of these journal entries, when unedited and unfiltered, are dramatic and extraordinarily self-critical. However much I would like to run and hide behind a tree if people were to read these, I’m putting on the courageousness crown and taking the leap. Because you know what? These journal entries are when I am most vulnerable. I try to surrender to whatever feeling I am being overwhelmed by- pain, grief, sadness, doubt, curiosity, confusion, wonder, glee, happiness. I love and accept myself for everything I feel because being vulnerable is an incredible thing. Almost any state of mind that you achieve by overcoming fear is an incredible thing. Processing and trying to embrace fear instead of finding ways to avoid it is I N C R E D I B LE!! I write these little packages of text as a means of escape from the evil claws of bad mental health. Some of these journal entries are absolutely hilarious to read back. And I would recommend it to anyone with all my heart. If that’s not your thing, be vulnerable in ways that don’t involve pouring your heart out in a scrappy little notebook. Sing to yourself, dance off your worries, do the things you are afraid of doing, talk to your loved ones about your struggles. In whatever ways you can: introspect! Introspection has always helped me make sense out of the million things that go on in my brain at once. Finding method in madness is calming to an overthinking mind and overambitious heart like mine. For now, these entries are my way of being me. Go find yours ^.^
may 8
please please please never speak mean things behind people’s back just to add to a conversation where someone else is doing it
may 9
i am such an inconvenience to myself
i feel like i am always in pain
may 10
so WHAT if i don’t get an A in calculus 2?
WhO gives a HOOT
may 13
i’m home! not technically home, but with mom and dad! who are pretty much home to me!
may 14
i am such a dramatic person
june 4
i need to work so so so hard on vocalizing what i feel
i think the major symptom of me dealing with low self-esteem is that even if i achieve certain xyz things i set my mind to, i still think i am going to be inadequate for the next big thing that my life will challenge me with
i feel like if so many good things are happening to me, a bad thing is bound to happen very soon
and it might happen any time
and i don’t know if i will be capable of dealing with it.
which is sad because i think that i am entitled to sadness and hardships and pain