Do you know that feeling when you really want to rant about something, but don’t want to come off as a brat who doesn’t know how to compromise, adjust and tune into her circumstances?
Say, you really wanted to gorge on your favourite pack of chips whilst binge watching the TV show you obsessively fangirl about. But somebody accidentally bought chips of some other new brand, totally different from your usual, which you had never even asked for. But you go with it, because your initial goal was to stuff your mouth with something. Now, this begrudging packet of potentially yummy goodness refuses to open even with all your mighty effort and any of the industrial equipment you could find in your supply closet, which very unfavourable for your case, happens to fall in the not-my-forte-radius.
Or otherwise, in the fortunate scenario of yourself being a highly healthy human being, who looks down upon packets filled with big fat calories and big fat pricetages attached to it, let me paint a different picture. So you sat down with an age old puzzle that you love to solve in your pass time. You’re great at the puzzle and have no chances of getting frustrated and giving up because you know just how to put the beautiful thing together with beaming pride. But somewhere between cleaning all of the mess that your room came together to be identitied as, by hastily pushing all of it into your wardrobe, you inadvertently mixed the puzzle pieces together with another very similar looking set a few days ago.
In either scenario, you don’t want to complain about this to the entire world because they may obviously think that it’s really trivial. Nobody cares about your packet of chips or disastrous mixed up puzzle. They’re too busy taking care of their own problems, which might just be even more trivial than yours. The fact that nobody will care enough to give you an explanation as to why what’s happening is happening to you makes you want to think twice about letting the world know of your circumstances. Because I literally resisted myself from writing this post since the start of my current academic year.
Yes, this is an issue from school. And it’s not even a high school drama story. It’s an ‘I have a problem with my grades’ episode. I know, I know. You may now gracefully roll your eyes at the stupidity that’s unraveling here. And if you haven’t already walked away to an internet space that isn’t so mundanely face-palm-inducing, let me break this situation down into small little points rather than mile long narratives in excruciating detail.
- I used to be pretty great at studies.
- Phenomenally great, sometimes.
- Okay, I was one of the school toppers in a super important exam in 10th grade.
- Then I came to 11th grade.
- There was a shift in the curriculum pattern.
- Some dude apparently had had a brainwave about 6 years ago.
- He thought it would be nice to make things easier for kids.
- So our pattern turned into something of a sunshine and butterflies set-up since 5th grade or so.
- Everything was pretty achievable, if not easy.
- But, the dude thought that 11th and 12th grade are the years before we face the real world and all that jazz.
- So he decided to stop with butterfly land at the 10th grade mark.
- But get this, the dude never warned us that beyond butterfly land lies a place where the Godzilla of textbooks arise to power.
- I lost the battle against Godzilla.
- I think it ate me alive along some time this year.
End of story.
I hate to drag this, but the point is that my grades aren’t the best. They’re definitely not something I’m proud of. And do you know that horrible feeling when you’re a believer and think of positive outcomes in the future, but reality just cruelly defies all that your efforts bravely stood for?
I felt that way throughout the year about how it wasn’t working out. Everything taught at school was so incomprehensible. Most times, my syllabus was so overwhelming I would give up mentally and not take in anything even if I was actually going through all those countless pages (we’ve got 2 part-textbooks in most of our subjects. So that’s an entire series of tomes to finish accompanied by tears and failed attempts.) with my eyes open. The keeping eyes open part also becoming really hard because how is a kid supposed to get some shut-eye if she has exams/results in perpetuity?
Coincidentally, I was just crying over the unfathomable fatness of my chemistry textbook when I noticed a little eyelash that had come off my eyelash line. (If that’s what it’s called.) So, I wished upon it that someone quickly vests in me the power to not breakdown and study as much as I can and as well as I can. Yes, I have a silly tradition to blow my eyelash out the window and wish over it like it’s a little carrier pigeon which will tell the forces what I want.
In conclusion, I’d like to say that even though nobody cares, I’d like to put this problem out there just so that the world knows that I’m all in for standing up to it. It cannot and shall not bully me into incompetence. I’m incredibly sorry for this painfully long post and so will end it on the beautiful and fabulous Kelly Clarkson’s words, because that’s exactly what I’m going to do to free myself from the clutches of my whatever the heck was causing my not so decent grades.
Other updates include:
I won the school elections and am now officially the school pupil leader =D the support I received was amazing and it truly feels surreal.
My finals start next week. So I might be low on posting for a while. I will be a little busy conquering the climb. Although, I will post some pieces that I wrote in a recent writer’s workshop whenever I find time.
Hope you’re doing well. xx